Thank you everyone for the comments, scriptures and prayers! You have no idea what it means when you are a world away and just had an almost 7 year old girl birthed into your arms. Brad and I felt overwhelmed many times today. We know that He has raised you up back at home to support us in word and intersession. This sweet daughter that has been given to us is a broken girl. She is clearly very resilient but afraid of intimacy. This morning was rough between her and me. She did not want me to help her with anything. I finally lost it for a while. I needed to grieve over the rejection and let the Lord comfort my heart. After a good cry and conversation with my Savior my wonderful mother in law and I went shopping! It is amazing what a new coat and Dove chocolate can do! : Seriously though, God swept in and took over with His mighty hand.
It seems fairly typical that day number 3 can be pretty rough for these kids. Haddie just seemed to go from being open and happy to completely shut down within minutes. She did this for most of the day. Tonight after dinner I took her into a Christmas shop in the hotel and we oohed and ahhed at the pretties. She repeated a lot of English today and I got her to say Santa and "Ho Ho Ho". Pretty adorable! When we got back to the room she let me give her a bath and get her ready for bed. She was very warm and pleasant and I would even say, seemed to like me. LOL!
I was lying by her early this morning just praying over her and thinking about her little life. She was chosen for us and we were chosen for her. I have laughed the last two days about something our guide explained to us on the way to be untied with our children. She told us that some of us would be "the chosen one" and some of us would not. She explained that some of the children may only want mama and some may only want baba. She told us not to take it personal. She said we needed to take the responsibility and be a grown up. Do you remember the show, "Dinosaurs"? The baby dinosaur on that show used to whack the daddy dinosaur in the head and say, "Not the mama!" Boy, have I felt like I have been whacked in the head and told I am NOT THE MAMA! : But, I AM the chosen one! Our family has been chosen for Haddie. Let me tell you what breaks my heart.there are 143 million out there who tomorrow will wake up with the reality that they are not the chosen one. How many days did my daughter face that reality? NO MORE! Those days are over! It is her time! Just as her namesake, Hadassah, (Esther), she has been raised up for such a time as this!
Keep prayingwe thank God for you!
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My Dear friends,
ReplyDeleteHow I understand this emotional battle that will continue to play out in all your hearts! God has chosen you, though, because he knows that despite the momentary struggles, your heart is strong enough to be all that Haddie needs as she grows to understand the love and security that He has provided for her. Can't wait to meet her. You would be so proud of me, I bought lots of new dress-up clothes for Christmas.
My Sweet friend! YES! You are chosen! To be Haddie's MAMA!!! Just as she is CHOSEN to be your daughter!! She will SOON be "in LOVE' with her Mama!! WHO wouldn't be???? Why wouldn't they? ( you should be laughing at that!!)
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I KNOW the confusing feelings wanting to love on them SO deeply and them NOT wanting just as strongly! I am sorry for your hurt... it is real.... Yet, you did exactly the BEST thing! You ran to ABBA! And He did what only He can... comforted!!
I pray these verses soothe:
So do not fear, for I am with YOU. Do not be dismayed, For I am YOUR God. I will strengthen YOU; I will upHOLD YOU with MY righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
The LORD will fight FOR you,Amy & Brad; you need only to be still. Ex 14:14
The LORD is my,Amy's, portion...says, her soul. Therefore, I,Amy, will have HOPE in HIM! Lamentation 3:24
Praying and rejoicing in what GOD will do !
We love ya'll madly!!
Brad and Amy, you in my thoughts and prayers today.
ReplyDeleteJust looking at the pictures on your blog, I am reminded how little Libi has just blossomed before our eyes in the time she has been in your family. And in time, through God's grace and the love shown to Haddie in a family, I believe she will too.
May God be your strength...
Love, Jill Lehman (& Andy)
Oh Amy....
ReplyDeleteYou have such a high calling in that God did choose you as her sweet mama. I know it has to be so painful to feel like you have, but wait and watch God..He will continue to show Himself to you thru that little life. Be so thankful that she is attaching to at least one of you! That alone is HUGE for her age. Amy, God will lift her up and help her work out every new day. You have entered into God's work on behalf of your little Haddie and answered His call. He will not let you down, I promise. It once again is going to be in His timing. Hang tight my sweet friend. We all are prayin like crazy for you! Remember back to most of our adopted ones shutting down in one form or another?
This is so normal. You just happen to be the prettier one of her 2 new parents(Sorry Brad) that she decided to make u a little more miserable. LOL
Glad you were able to get out and do a little shopping. Always good for a mama's soul!!
She is just a doll. Had fun oohing over her with company last night. You are an extra special family. She has no idea the Blessing you will be to her new life. We will continue praying!!
Much love, Lisa and the fam
...in you alone do the orphans(Haddie) find mercy. Hosea 14:3
I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me. Matthew 25:40
a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely(little Haddie) in families... Ps 68:5,6a
Amy,
ReplyDeleteSweet sister...I KNOW where you're at. My time in China was not at ALL what I expected, or hoped for. The rejection was so hard to swallow....add nissing the boys, no communication with the outside world in her province for 5 days, and jet lag...and I was an emotional wreck most nights after Sophie fell asleep. Now that I think of it, the rejection really started on day three for me as well. As you know...John was the chosen one for our time in China. Sophie made it abundantly clear she didn't want another mamma. John and I talked about strategy...and we decided to take things in stages...one day we tackled the bath issue....the next the hair issue (she REALLY didn't want me to do her hair)....when she had to go to the bathroom...there was a huge fit if John didn't take her and so on. It was such a struggle. We did decide however to not push too hard in China...Sophie was going through so much...we knew things would change when we got home, and I tried my best to hang on to that. I told myself...Sophie would see the boys lovin on me and me on them...She would see I'm not so bad;-). John would HAVE to go back to work so she would HAVE to start to trust and let me do things. She wouldn't have a choice. She would no longer be in her element once we got home...in China, there were so many reminders of where she came from. I think sometimes the older ones, because they comprehend so much more may think while they are there (China) this can be undone....maybe I can go back?? I think they look at every turn to see a familiar face. We new once we got home, being in the states would be helpful for Sophie to move on....it would give her a sense of permanence...this is final...this is my family...this is where I am now. Keep reminding yourself He has brought you this far and He will get you through this. Even though you know all this in your head, I KNOW your heart still hurts. Haddie will grow to love you. The bond she will make with you will be more than a survival bond...it WILL grow into a permanent one. Your hopes and dreams regarding Haddie will come true...with God and time.
Praying for YOU, for Haddie, for your family.
Chocolate and shopping does work wonders doesn't it;-)?
Much love,
Tami
My Sweet Amy -
ReplyDeleteI couldn't get to sleep last night, At 11:40 pm the Lord had you heavy on my heart. Now I know why. Day 3 was when the boat started rocking for us too!
Oh my heart aches for you! If only Haddie knew the incredible love and safety that she would find in your arms. It's such a picture of those who don't know God. They are scared to run to Him and they reject Him, because they just have no idea that in His arms is the best place they could possibly be. God will continue to give you opportunities daily to teach her the love and safety of her mamma!
This will be a season where the Lord teaches you of his unconditional love to a depth you haven't known. He will show you how to model that to Haddie over and over until she finally understands the blessing of the mommy God CHOSE for her - YES you are the CHOSEN ONE! :) I pray that it is a VERY short season. You know it is one I am still walking with my Isaiah. They just have no idea how much we love them!
Remember that it is your role to love and provide her safety and to model Jesus. It is only God that can heal her heart. Trust Him with this.
We love and adore you all! We are PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING!!
Sherry
AMY -
ReplyDeleteAs I was typing my last post the song "The Words I Would Say" started playing on your blog. I kept trying to catch phrases to write down. They all seemed SO perfect. So I am just putting them ALL. Know that these are the words I would say to you right if I could just pick up the phone an call:
Three in the morning,
And I'm still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I'd say,
If we were face to face,
I'd tell you just what you mean to me,
I'd tell you these simple truths,
Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,
Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I've already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,
Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,
From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,
Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say
Love you! - Sherry
Oh Amy - I love you and I so appreciate you and all the words from your dear friends too!
ReplyDeleteHere's the verse that God gave me today and I want to share it with you too!
"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish INFINTELY MORE than we might ASK or THINK.
Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen." Eph. 3:20
I love you sweet friend. Lifting you up to our Father!
Jami
What's 143,000,000 minus 1? Still a big number, but going in the right direction! We had our 1 year home study for our 6 year old today!
ReplyDeleteBlessings to your family! Lucy in GA
Hey Family!
ReplyDeleteHi from the Krus'. Can't wait to hear in person about all your adventures. Praying, praying, praying.
Wondering how the boys are doing, and trying to imagine Jon in a foreign country trying new, crazy foods and using a squatty potty. Wow! I am praying for Joel and Jack, that they will take it all in and be forever changed by the experience, and that God will use this trip in Jacob's life to further broaden his world to see the needs of others. Praying for Bev, too, that she will have the stamina she needs and that she will grow closer to her Father through all this.
And Darling Haddie. Can't begin to imagine what is going through that sweet head of hers. Praying that the Holy Spirit will rest on her and give her peace.
Brad and Amy. No words can express how much I love you both. Or how proud I am to be a part of your family. Praying without ceasing for you both.
I look forward to the years ahead, when Haddie and Libi can look back and see God's hand in their lives, see how they were not only adopted into our family, but also into His. Until then, we will just love on them like crazy - ok, and spoil them with abandon - and watch God restore their little lives.
This passage just keeps rolling through my head as I think about what you are doing.
Isaiah 61
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has annointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives, and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.
All Glory to HIM!!
Much, much love-
Kirken
Amy,
ReplyDeleteWe're all thinking of you here at Easter Seals. Know that you are not alone with these feelings :) Keep going, keep your heart still and she will come to you. You're a great Mom, I look to you as a Mommy role model! Some little ones just need to test us, to make sure that our love is unconditional. Hang in there and see this test for what it is God's measure of your love in her life.